My life isn't exactly one of fairy tales and ponies, and especially not one of happiness.
But you guys knew that already.
It's been very hard for me to feel like a regular person, what with my hating humanity and everything in it. Lizzie was always ever the only person I could tolerate for long periods of time, and whenever I was with her, I felt...well, normal. Happy, even. Looking back on it, the carnival was the last time I felt like that. And since she's been gone, I haven't been able to replicate that.
Until, surprisingly, the other night.
I had gone out to check on Celeste, who had been away from the room for longer than she probably should have. I found her at the beach looking out at the sky, listening to her music. I think she knew I was there, but she didn't acknowledge me. Not at first.
The night sky on the beach is beautiful. Like I said before, maybe once upon a time Lizzie and I could have come down here, and whenever I look up at those stars more and more I think this would have been the place for the two of us to have made some kind of a life together. When you lay back on the sand and look up, all you see are stars and all you hear are waves. You feel like you can tumble right out of the world, into the sky. Which isn't too bad a thought sometimes.
She suddenly pulled her earplugs out and let the music play out over the speakers, which brought a smile to my lips at how goofy it was. And she laughed...really laughed. It had been so long since I had heard a laugh that was not bitter, not forced, not compressed due to the situation we were in. A genuine laugh.
A wave crashed, and brushed against the hem of the dress she was wearing, causing her to freak a bit, which in turn caused me to laugh. She pouted- her little chipmunk face pout, as Wren called it- and then she did something I didn't expect; she took my hands, and she led me into a dance.
Dancing on that beach...never thought I'd ever see myself doing anything like that, but there I was, actually enjoying it. I guided her, spinning her around, occasionally stopping to let her spin to her own delight. She was amusing to watch, spinning and skipping among the waves, and in the right glare of the moonlight she looked almost like Lizzie; shorter, but just as full of life, and just as beautiful.
Now, before your little minds go places, don't. Nothing like your dirty thoughts happened. But for one moment, I felt happy. As if the life I was leading was not so full of sorrow and rage.
If only every moment could be like that.